Anakin's Friends

The antilock brakes on my car have never worked properly. They disable the brakes at the least sign of slippage, so the car handles like a boat in the snow and rainy days are dangerous. Even hitting a pothole as I slow down at a stop light can effectively turn my brakes off until I pump them. Yes, you're not supposed to pump antilock brakes--but the only way the brakes will turn back on once the antilock activates is to try braking again. When the roads are truly bad, I get about a second of braking per pump. No, ceasing to pump and letting the antilock brakes do their thing does not work.

Yes, I know antilock brakes are supposed to pulse against the brake pad when they activate. I am not mistaking that for a failure in the braking mechanism. I am interpreting a total failure of the car to slow down or stop as a failure of the brake mechanism.

No, the problem is not that the tires are worn and not gripping the road right. I have driven with bald tires on other cars before. I have driven in this car with non-bald tires before. A car with bald tires and a functioning brake system brakes just fine. This car with good tires and its current brake system does not brake properly.

No, the problem is not that I am a Virginian and therefore do not know how to drive in the snow. Virginia gets plenty of snow. No, I do not want to argue about whether or not Virginia gets snow. Virginians think it doesn't get hot in the summer in Massachusetts. Does it get hot in the summer in Massachusetts? Yes? Then is there possibly a slight chance that your own perceptions re: snow in Virginia may be colored by regional misunderstanding?

Also, I moved up here in 1990. That's almost two decades of driving in the snow. Even a Virginian can learn to drive in Massachusetts snow in two decades.

(No, I don't have a Virginian accent. And you're from Massachusetts, but you don't have a Massachusetts accent. Oh, that's a regional thing and you're from a different region? Then maybe the Virginia accent is also regional?)

So why haven't I gotten the antilock brakes fixed? Because every. single. time. I have taken the car to a mechanic to have them look at it, they've argued with me about whether the antilock brakes are working correctly. Then they 'splain to me how antilock brakes are supposed to work. Then they tell me the brakes are working fine, and come up with a new explanation for why I only think my car completely fails to brake in the snow: bald tires, Virginian incompetence, etc. It's never been snowing hard enough for me to make them do a test drive and see for themselves.

Last night I bitched to some friends about how my antilock brakes weren't working, and how I was going to have to hunt up a mechanic who believed me.

And one of the women questioned me about what my brakes were doing, then 'splained to me how they were supposed to work...

AAAAAAUGH.

What is it about antilock brakes that makes people such fierce defenders of them? If anything else goes wrong in my car, people believe me. But the antilock brakes messing up? Noooo, that's a safety feature! It must be safe! I must be misinterpreting how this safety feature, which cannot possibly be unsafe, is making me safe!

Fine. Let's switch cars. I'll take your car, and you can use my totally safe car for the winter.

(Also: States? Are not monolithic. People? Are mobile. TV? Is not the best source of data on regional variation. And the South? Is not one massive conglomerate with the same weather patterns, accent, and culture.

(And Virginia? Is the northern end of the South. Southern, but not intensely so, and well-populated with expat Yankees. If you're one of the people who would like to inform me that, and I quote, "Virginia's not the South. Georgia, that's the South," then I would like to invite you to write MY IGNORANCE DOES NOT ALTER THE REAL WORLD 300 times on your ass with an X-Acto knife.)

Advertisement